Princess Didsy.

Valentine's was amazing~
Also went to Sweeney Todd, FINALLY, and it was awesome as expected.

My hair is Black and I'm joining the army this Monday.

Life is busy.

I feel so out of place. Paranoid. Scared.
It took me by surprise. Grabbed me by the shoulders and shook. I'm terrified.

No place feels safe anymore. No place feels right.
The only place in which I feel safe is in my boyfriend's arms, and I thank god for that.

Right now it feels like he's the only one I have left.



I'll be joining the army in 3 weeks.
You probably won't hear a lot from me, anymore.

I guess you don't know what you've got 'till it's gone..


I miss you.

It's been raining all week.
Winter is here, and the cold air outside matches my mood.

I want to stand outside in the rain until I'll be soaked and freezing,
So freezing that my cheeks will flush and my lips will turn purple and match my hair.

I do hope things will get better, soon..

It's funny how I'm desperately looking for changes when in depress..

My hair is Purple.
( That's.. darker than I'm used to.. )

I HATE MYSELF AND I HATE THIS WORLD AND I HATE THIS HOUSE AND I HATE MY JOB AND I HATE THE FACT THAT I CAN'T DO ANYTHING RIGHT AND I HATE THAT I CAN'T EVEN MAKE MY BEST FRIENDS HAPPY AND ALL I DO IS MAKE THEM CRY OR HURT THEM OR DISAPPOINT THEM. AND I HATE THAT I KNOW I DESERVE THIS EVEN THOUGH I'M TRYING MY BEST TO THINK I DON'T AND SAY EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE IN THE END BECAUSE IF I KEEP IT UP IT WONT, AND I JUST KEEP DOING THE SAME MISTAKES OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN AND I HATE KNOWING THAT I'M NOT A GOOD FRIEND. I'M A TERRIBLE FRIEND. AND I'M SORRY. BUT IT LOOKS LIKE I'VE ALREADY SCREWED EVERYTHING UP AND THE ONLY THINK I CAN DO TO TRY AND SET THINGS RIGHT IS APOLOGIZE.

DAMMIT.

First thing's first, FACEBOOK. Add me. Now. >333

I went to the mall today, finally got my GURREN LAGANN PILLOWS!
( Pictures are behind this SUPERSPECIALAWESOME CUT! )

Pillows are love.
So anyways.. I'm working for only 3 days this week! Or rather, 2, now, just got back from work.
That's a change. I get Monday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday off!
That leaves me plenty of time to sleep, work on my cosplay AND meet friends. I'm happy.

Other than that.. I'm kinda tired of life. I'm sick of living here, I'm sick of my mom forcing food down my throat, I'm sick of working all week (as much as I love the people over there..), I'm SICK AND TIRED of watching my friends enlist. EVERYONE's enlisting before me, everyone tells me stories, tells me what to do.. And I've had enough. I WANT TO DO IT ON MY OWN. I wanna experience it myself and I DO NOT CARE people say I'll suffer and cry and want to go back home after 2 days. It's really starting to tick me off.

But I'll live. I still need to get better at Guitar Hero. (Though I can't beat What I like about you on HARD.

So yeah.

I WANT TO MOVE OUT.
I CAN'T STAND BEING HERE ANYMORE, OH MY GOD.
I WANT TO JOIN THE ARMY AND NEVER COME BACK HOME. NEVER.
*HEADDESK*

New Info Image on my info page..

I think I've already said I really feel out of place, but I'll say it again. I don't feel like I belong anywhere lately.. The hug I got today felt warm and caring.. But it wasn't enough. I want to lay quietly in my bed and curl under my blanket and close my eyes and wish I was needed. Wanted. Helpful.

~

I found a Matt for my DigiCast. There's going to be a lot of fanservice, hell yes. That's probably the only thing I'm looking forward to right now..

My head hurts.

EDIT
I can't help..
But now I can't even express my feelings..?
That's just great..

I can't seem to do anything right.

So I've switched to the S2 layout thing.. I was too tired to start playing around with the S1.. So yeah, that'll have to do for now.

I'm sick and tired of working.
And I hate the fact that I can't quit, nor can I cut down to 3 shifts a week.
I need some time alone. I need sleep. I need rain. I need a hug.. I want out.
Every thing's falling apart..


Well, anyways.
Started working on my Digimon!Taichi cosplay!
Check out the shoes: Here and Here!.
And in case you were wondering how they actually look like, look over here~

And I've also got my new baby, Leyla, and right now it seems I suck at Guitar Hero. xDD
I'm working on it, though! ;-;


.. Well, I better go to sleep... Work in 5 hours. Meh.

I feel so out of place sometimes.



It's cold outside.

Sorry, sorry, I suck, I know xD I keep wanting to update here but always forget.

So my life has become a boring routine. I wake up, go to work, come back and spend a few hours on the computer. I go to sleep way earlier than I used to. It seems I've got myself a life.

I've also got myself a boyfriend, by the way.


Mmm.. I need a new layout and new icons.
Gurren Lagann layout and icons. Because TTGL is EPIC WIN. *fapfapfap*
I seriously am in love with this series.

I wish I had more to write about. My life has become so boring it hurts. I'm in the process of spicing it up a bit, though. Got 3 months left before I join the army, might as well make them memorable.

Major updates since the middle of August:
+ My hair's Turquoise now.
+ Summer vacation is over, yet I have no school to return to. Graduating feels weird.
+ I can't enlist sooner as it is, we'll have to wait and see. I have, however, got accepted to the unit I've been trying to get to.
+ My best buddies are already soldiers or will enlist soon. When I get back from the trip with mom I'm going on a short vacation with two of them, just us, to celebrate the end of their lives.. so to speak.
+ "The trip with mom" = USA. We leave this Tuesday. I'll be in NYC, Orlando, Vegas, Canada, Washington DC, Niagara falls.. Yeah. Excited.
+ And, probably the most important one, I've passed my driving test. <3333

Guess that's it for now~

( I DANCED WITH THE SUPERIOR!!1ONE )

My LJ's becoming a photo-blog.
Well anyways, a random picture from the con,
when I've had enough of my cosplay and decided to change back and stay with the apron. xD
That's Avi, cosplaying Xemnas. (Well, duh). He came with the black coat and not with the final boss coat, to my great regret.
Now, imagine the Superior running after you all day, threatening he'll steal your DS away. Of yes, it was funny indeed.

We've redecorated my entire room. I also got a new table and a very cool new screen.
And a pink, polka-dotted wall. And a wall painted with glitters. And many other glittery furnitures.
I love my room. xDD

We played Limbo on the train back from the Con.
Best train-ride of my life.

Happy AkuRoku day!

Nodame Cantabile is prefect.

.. I think I want a new layout.

OH MY GOD, Greece is hot. Like. TOO HOT.
And mom kept dragging us around the city siteseeing. It was horrible.
But I had fun.

WELL ANYWAYS.
( Got myself a new friend! )

Isn't he beautiful?!
I wanted Pink, but they ran out. *cries*
But finallyyyyy~~ My Super Card's arriving Sunday. Oh yes. I'm a happy camper.

I'm officially 18. Funny~

Well anyways. Going to Greece with family.
Be back Thursday.
See ya then~

OH MY GOD, ZAC EFRON.

That's all I had to say.

Well, I guess I'm going to be completely honest;
I've got no where else to write it down, and Aya can't answer her phone right now, so..

As some of you may know (if not, you will now), I'm not skinny.
Never have been, never will be.
And to be honest, I've had enough of "fatty" remarks, of not being able to buy the clothes I like.
I come form a place in which skinny means beautiful. I was not beautiful in my opinion.
I hated myself, hated my body (even though I'm not that fat). My self confidence wasn't in existence.

I was not aware of my actions at that time. And I decided Anorexia is, probably, my only solution. That happened after trying numerous diets and tricks.
Today I understand it's just the shape of my body. I'll always have the "guitar" body. I just need to lose a few extra pounds.

ANYWAYS. I started starving myself, living on vegetables, soups. I kept a diary in which I wrote what I've eaten (or haven't) each day. Posted "Thinspo" pictures.
It lasted for not more than a month, in which I didn't really lose weight (but didn't gain any either.)
I than became aware of what I was doing, I realized I'm being stupid, that I'm hurting myself. I didn't want to hurt myself, I just wanted to be thin. After a few more days I stopped. I started eating normally again. 3 meals a day, even ice cream and chocolate. I gained back the fewest pounds I've lost. I was healthy. I'm still healthy. I'm okay with my body, I know that's just the way I look and nothing can change it.

So far, so good. I've beat the anorectic-me, I wasn't even deep enough in it to not-be-able to get out. I stopped starving myself. I felt proud for being able to stop myself from hurting myself anymore. The only thing that was left was the diary I wrote. I kept it to prove myself how stupid I was. To remind myself to NEVER AGAIN do the mistakes I chose to do a couple of months ago.

My mom found that diary today.
You can imagine her reaction, I bet.

She came and got me out of work 2 hours earlier. She yelled, a lot. She cried. I cried. I still am trying to explain her that I'm really out of it.. But I can understand why she's scared. She's scared because I chose the most horrid way to hurt myself without knowing, at that time. She's scared cause she could have lost me. Because of me.

My dad already knows. My uncle knows, too, and mom's best friend as well. I'm not allowed to eat alone anymore. She's decided to move my room upstairs, where she can keep an eye on me at all times. "I want my daughter back", she said. She's keeping the diary. She said that when I'll prove I'm really out of it, she'll burn it.

And I.. I have no idea how to show her I'm out of it. She's willing to "help", and she certeinly is listening to me. I just don't know what's going to happen from now on.

I.. just had to share that.